Predicting my Future.

This is an examination of my creative process. A proposal to myself of what I plan to do this summer.  Noting my initial expectations before a series of paintings begin and the surprises, disappointments and discoveries that ultimately unfold over time. 

This summer (2016) I plan to make a series of paintings on medium and small canvases. I’ll explore washy (acrylic) pigments as a way to capture subtle detail fluidly, avoiding rigidity. The fluidity of the paint will further emphasize the subject matter.  How fluid are the boundaries between our interior and exterior and between our environment and ourselves?

These paintings will continue to explore my fascination with the figure.  First the figure’s internal spirit’s relation to her external embodiment.  Then the figure’s relation to her context or environment. I’m interested in how these duals interact-the conflicts and communions that continually occur.  How the spirit is materially harnessed and how it immaterially escapes.

The individual’s interior is fluid, transitional and invisible and the exterior is fixed. The weight of the exterior cannot keep pace with the boundless interior. And what if the two do not line up? What if the exterior is not a reflection of the interior? How do we come to terms with the gap? Men and women, young and old, we all to greater or lesser degree feel at odds with our exteriors. A common feeling which most likely accelerates as we grow older. This chronic tension is what interests me.

And troubles me.  Why don’t the two line up automatically? Why must we brand, identify and style ourselves? Why do we care to? Is this superficial, petty, exhausting or futile? Doesn’t the interior spirit exude nonetheless?  As we spend time molding and manipulating our exterior to reflect what we think is a more authentic us who are we fooling?  Ourselves or others?

The figures I paint are female. I paint what it feels to inhabit a female form and the gesture corresponds. More than just feel the feeling I want to see the feeling. Just as a writer writes to know what she thinks.  So I paint to know what I feel.  This gives weight and form to a feeling and therefore importance. Painting suits to record and define a moving unnamed mystery in me. A painting is a fixed visual of my internal invisible spirit and more accurately aligns with my idea of authentic self-expression. More than my physical embodiment can.

This summer I will continue these themes of duality. Starting to focus more on the figure (internal/external combined) in relation to her environment and less on the figure’s spirit’s relation to her physical identity.  The figure will not dominate but be of equal importance to her surroundings.  How fluid will the figures be in their context? How rigid, awkward? As usual the results seen in my painting will most likely be the outcome of my personal developments in life. How free can I be? How much control and protection is necessary and how much is destructive? Where is the boundary between courageous vulnerability and dangerous vulnerability?

Perhaps this proposal is less of a stated prediction of my future production in the studio and more a conscious question.  How will my subconscious answer? The paintings will tell.